Attachment Parenting

I didn't read up about "Attachment Parenting" until it was mentioned in "2 broke girls" a super entertaining US sitcom about 2 broke girls. I mean, I heard about "Attachment Parenting", but didn't bother to find out what it is about. There are so many Parenting method, and all so confusing, and many times contradicting to each other... so i go by the natural method call :"instinct". (ok, i did try sleep training before, it was a disaster. so yeah, nv believe any parenting advice online... But since even "2 broke girls" talk about "attachment parenting", it must be something right? so i googled.


What I have gathered is that it is a method of parenting, by creating bond with kids, by breastfeeding, baby wearing, being sensitive to their cries and needs. This bond with kids will make them feel secure and grow up to be more confident and "better". This is contrast with the traditional method of instilling fear, so they will listen and follow what the parents say.

As a mother of two, all I can say is no two child is the same, so no method of upbringing will be suitable for all. But as the Chinese sayings goes, 物极必反， meaning if things are done to extreme there will definitely be a bad outcome. Yes, I agree we should establish bond with kids, and make sure all basic needs are addressed. Yes, I also agree that we should not always just follow what the kids want, we must establish in the relationship that we, the parent, is the boss. I believe happy parents makes happy children. So, our needs should be addressed first, before we addressed theirs. (u know, just like in emergency on plane, we should put on our mask first then put on for our children).

Before reading up, I always thought that attachment parenting is kids being so attached to parent so they will listen to you. haha... this is what happen to WL... she is very attached to me... it is very easy to discipline her. because she almost everytime needs my approval and attention. When I look angry, she will immediately stop what she is doing and almost nv do it again. (eg, like touching the remote control etc). When it is something more serious, and she became too emotional, I will put her in naughty corner, and ignore her. She wants my attention, so she will stop her crying and attempt to listen to me, so she will get her hugs... But for yl, I dunno, she doesnt seem as attached to me, maybe I did not spend as much time with her. She doesn;t really care if I am angry. I warned her about touching the remote controls and opening drawers, she will look at me and smile back and continue whatever she is doing.... >.<  Kid who is attached, do the right thing to seek approval. Kid not attached, do the wrong thing to seek attention.

Is it different personality, or is it really the bond between the two girls are different? I am not too sure... but definitely, it is much easier to have kids attached to you, so it is easier to discipline, easier to soothe them and comfort them when they are not feeling good or cranky. But, it is exhausting to be constantly wanted.

Food Journey in Hong Kong 2014. 吃在香港

前阵子到香港，不是我夸口，可是向岭的香港朋友和同事都对我们去吃的东西相当“赞赏”。许多都被他们称为“很local"。所以我就在这记录下吧！

DAY 1 (rather night 1)
1）港澳义顺牛奶公司 (铜锣湾)
http://www.openrice.com/restaurant/sr2.htm?shopid=5682
就在我们的酒店附近。因为实在太饿了，LPW的reservation时间还没到，我们就在附近找吃的，竟然看到这间店，依稀记得好像有看过是有人推荐的，就进去了。没想到就在这吃到我吃过最好吃的双皮奶，至今仍念念不忘。（现在想着也都好想吃哦！)

我们也点了通粉。也是这次我在香港一周末里吃的最好吃的通粉。以前对通心粉的印象是“生病时吃的食物”，一点都没好感。香港人好像对通粉有着莫名的喜爱，哪里都有卖，任何时间都有人在吃。

义顺的通粉和双皮奶，颠覆了我对这两个食物的印象；这两种食物我从“从来都不爱，也不会点来吃”到“好怀念，好想再吃”。

2）Liberty Private Works (Central)
http://www.openrice.com/restaurant/sr2.htm?shopid=32698&region=0&s=3
这是间超难的餐厅。所以在去香港的3个礼拜前，我就在网上订了位。那时星期六和日都没位了，所以只能订订周五。虽然有点赶，但没办法（我是大约旁晚6点到酒店）。这餐厅，不只难订，也很贵。It's fixed menu, and is at least HKD900/pax.

我只能说“物有所值”

Day 2
1) 陆羽茶室 (Central)
http://www.openrice.com/restaurant/sr2.htm?shopid=1966&tc=sr1
到香港一吃点心。上次我们已经去过热闹的点心，所以这次要体验不一样的香港点心。

这里吃的我觉得不算好吃，但是仿佛是在60-70年代有钱人吃点心的感觉。

2）兰芳园 (Central)
http://www.openrice.com/restaurant/sr2.htm?shopid=1966&tc=sr1
3)泰昌饼家
http://www.openrice.com/restaurant/sr2.htm?shopid=1966&tc=sr1

吃完点心，走路到SOHO mid-level escalator 逛。顺便在路上打包兰芳园的丝袜奶茶和泰昌饼家的蛋挞。虽然我还是喜欢新加坡的teh，但兰芳园的丝袜奶茶不太甜，滑滑的很顺口，和甜甜热热的泰昌饼家的蛋挞堪称绝配！

4）Jenny Bakery (上环)
http://www.openrice.com/restaurant/sr2.htm?shopid=1966&tc=sr1
其实奶茶和蛋挞是准备去Jenny Bakery排队时享用的，可是向岭说要从中环走路到jenny bakery上环的店，路途太远，还没到就已经喝完吃完了。还好我去的时候没太多人不用排队。
我们很客气地只买了5个小盒的饼干。没想到饼干太受欢迎，我回来新加坡没几天就送完，吃完。还好向岭还在香港，又买了几盒回来，而且是大盒的。
Addictive butter cookies.

5）再兴烧腊饭店 (湾仔)
http://www.openrice.com/restaurant/sr2.htm?shopid=1966&tc=sr1

烧腊是另一个到香港必吃的。因为答应朋友去湾仔那买玩具（湾仔玩具街-太原街=小孩的天堂），所以买完曲奇（cookies), 就到湾仔去，恰巧午餐时间到，我翻翻我的“功课”，选了再兴。因为在玩具街严重超支，到再兴时已没剩多少盘缠，省着点了一盘三宝饭一盘烧鸭饭。超好吃！饭也特别香。正吃得很开心时，和我们并桌的一对父女点了乳猪饭，烧肉饭，看得我们直流口水。。。

所以。。。我回新之前的早上，我又回到了再兴吃乳猪饭。卡擦卡擦 。。。

6）咖里鱼蛋 (铜锣湾)

没有记下店名。。。好像是在洛克街，铜锣湾。在我们酒店附近的街边小吃。买完，吃完后，我们暂时回酒店小休片刻。我忙着挤奶时，向岭跑去买的。意外地好吃。我们后来也又去买来吃。不只鱼蛋，还有鱼饼，鱿鱼，香肠等好料。辣椒是四川式的麻辣，可随意加。

7）爱文生 (深水埔)

http://m.openrice.com/en/restaurant/14257/愛文生?tc=Sr1

大排档是去香港另个必尝的味道。在香港大排档也越来越少，有可能因为这样也越来越贵?

根据网上推荐，爱文生是少有仍有足够"锅气", 随便点都好吃的大排档。

名不虚传。

To be continued.....

New office

We finally moved out of Shaw Towers!

If Lena didn't mention today, I would not have realised we were in Shaw Tower for 5 years!

When we just moved to Shaw, I was quite disgusted by that old building; dirty toilets, cranky old lifts, and distance from the mrt station. I secretly prayed that we will move back to Parkview Sq or anywhere more decent soon then. However, as days (or years) past, 'planning with a view' sinked in, and I got used to the convenience (and inconveniences) in that old building. Now that we are at Chinatown point, a relatively newly-refurbished building,  I am sort of disoriented.

It is definitely a much better office location compared to Shaw Tower, mrt exit is just at the building (no more stuck in the rain and cannot go office), there are so many amenities ard, supermarket, shopping options, cheap and good food, But, the problem is there are too many choices; at least 3 routes to go office from home, billions of food choice within sheltered walking distance. Is this like a first world problem or I am old, hence cant adapt to changes?

on a side note, I think I really old liao la... because of the new office layout, I Suddenly realised I am surrounded by ppl I dunno. I know our team expanded over the years, but I have only been hanging out with the same group of ppl over the years. I din bother to know most of the new colleagues. u know, ppl come and go , it is just so tiring to keep building new relationship and to realise the person disappear suddenly.
So well, I still kinda like the new office.... I guess...

Attending wedding and breastfeeding

It is my brother-in -law wedding soon. 

I used to be cool abt attending wedding with baby when wl was baby,  when I only had one baby.  My coolest feat was when she was abt 3mth old,  I attended 2 of my best friends wedding on the same day alone with her in a sling. (Both of them are also mother now, and their baby both also born on the same mth as mm, such a coincidence rite? ) Breastfeeding-convenient dress,  and nursing cover with a baby who will slp everytime after latch.  I thought I was the coolest mum in town. Fast forward abt 3 yrs later,  I suddenly became an useless mum who can't bring her kids to wedding.  (And the irony is , now I have the whole husband, in-law,  and even helper going to the same wedding. More ppl by right shud be more help right? )

The stress came when another bro gf say she is going to get professional to do make up for her that day.  And then mil came to saye that we have to make up look good that day coz we are "半个主人" must show that we 重视这个婚礼"。ok,  I got it,  I am expected to look good on that day.  So I suggested,  can the girls follow them to the hotel after the early morning tea ceremony , so I can go and make myself look gd. Response is , ok,  wl can go with us,  but baby go with u ,  in case she wanna feed.  Oh right , I am supposed to look good AND be a breastfeeding mum.

I am not saying breastfeeding mum cannot look gd,  but there are really a few major restriction when u have a wriggling 8mth old baby who is curious about every sound and movement PLUS refuse to eat solid and still drink milk every 3hrs , AND a almost 3yr old toddler who don't like to eat wedding food and will go into sudden tantrums esp when she Is going to miss her afternoon nap. If I will have to fulfil my mother duties, I will have to wear nursing wear and bra which are not meant to be figure flatering and pretty,  and no accesories and heels to make it safe for running ard while carrying babies who might pull ur earrings. And whats the pt of putting make up when most likely u will look like a crazy women trying to make the toddler eat and stopping the baby from crawling out of the baby chair AT THE SAME TIME? And the long hours from early tea ceremony to rom to wedding lunch .... oh, i really dread bringing them to wedding now. :(

鱼与熊掌不可兼得。so, do u wan me to look good or be a breastfeeding mum?

The trip of pump and throw

Went over weekend to Hong Kong to find XL,  as he was there for business trip for 2 weeks. It is an extremely short trip,  reach hk fri evening, leave hk mon noon.  So I  actually only have 2 full days, one evening n a morning there.  Din dare to go any longer coz I dun have enough milk stocked for mm. She dun drink a lot,  but still doesn't eat solid yet,  and sometimes will wake up quite frequently at night to feed.  Counted probably needed 30 bags of milk to be safe,  but even on the day when I left for hk I think I only have 20+ stocked. I have learnt to 'let it go' and ask my in law to buy powder in case there isn't enough stock left, and hope that she will slp like a baby these few days.

Brought my super huge pink luggage to hk,  not because I plan to shop a lot,  coz the small luggage couldn't fit my pump! The luggage was half empty when I leave, out of the occupied half,  50% is the pump,  30% is my fridge to go. But,  I am only planning to bring the milk from the last day back (the day I am coming back). So much for just 4bags (600ml) of milk!

Couldn't make sure that I could ensure hygiene while pumping on the go, nursing room in hk doesn't seem common after researching a while (probably need to express in toilet on plane for eg), and its actually just troublesome to carry milk through custom. So I have decided to just pump and throw for most of the trip.  Added bonus is I can drink wine or beer for some of the meals!

So below is my experience as a nursing mum travelling to hongkong without my baby:

The tricky thing about expressing milk during trip is when,  where and how? 

When?
If u are like me,  the nursing schedule is 3-4hrly,  then its a bit complicated. U may think,  hey flight to hong kong is just 4hr, no need to pump,  then u are wrong! U need to be at gate abt 20min b4 departure time,  and clearing custom plus finding the nursing rm n walking will take another 10-20min,  after touch down at hk,  u will take abt an hr to clear custom n collect baggage,  so total time is actually abt almost 6hr! So it's actually best to be able to latch just before u head to the gates,  or like me,  just pump before I go to the gate,  then express a bit (I did it in the plane toilet) maybe mid way thru the flight,  then pump again when I reach hotel.  If u have a pump with portable battery or u're using manual pump, u might wanna try pump at ur seat,  maybe request for a corner seat or wat, but I am just not used to pumping milk in public, and its a full flight, I dunno who will be sitting beside me!  so. .. hafta do it in toilet. ....

Some tips:
Do online check in , so can choose seat near toilet.  Can pop in the toilet when its not crowded, so wun really hold everyone up, hopefully.

Where
Nursing room at Changi airport
I found one very close to my gate (d4+ I think). Its in the transit lounge near some jet star counter.  In fact all nursing rooms are clearly marked on the directory. The one I went was a one room with one changing top and nursing area is seperated by a door which can be locked. (Sorry no picture coz I tot I was running out of time.) So if someone is using it,  u have to find another one which is quite far away!

Nursing room at hk airport is together with the changing top,  hence no privacy at all and cannot lock . Unless u have a portable pump with nursing cover,  impossible to pump there.

Best place to pump , in my opinion is in the hotel room.  Got privacy, comfortable n clean. And there's minI fridge in room to store milk,  if u want to.  So I am glad I am with my husband who dun mind to come back hotel every 4 hrs or so to pump milk. 

How
To bring milk back, ask hotel to freeze the ice pack at least a day before flight.  I think my hotel freeze it in some deep freezer,  the ice pack is solid frozen when I collect it. I used my fridge to go,  but still added extra ice pack I bought from qoo10 for extra security. I used storage bag with double zip,  no leakage at all . Milk still ice cold when I reach home.  Only brought back last day (the day I fly home)'s milk coz I found not wanna freeze the milk and risk them being thawed during the trip home.  Thawed frozen milk cannot be refrozen. I had packed the milk in the checked in luggage, no trouble going thru custom and temperature at the luggage compartment on plane is supposedly lower. 

Ok,  that's abt all for the pump and throw trip. .. brought back 4bags of milk and had a great trip at hk!

Good Doctor

我最近在看的韩剧 "Good doctor"

从来没有看戏第一集就哭得那么惨。男主人公是个有学者综合症(savant syndrome)的自闭患者。因为和别人不同，他从小就被周围的朋友欺负，被笑，被打。妈妈说要带他去医院检查，却被一直酗酒的爸爸打。爸爸说他够丢人了还敢去医院，不如打死更好。就在一次被爸爸毒打时，他唯一的朋友，他养的小白兔也被爸爸乱甩甩死了。唯一一直相信他，保护他的哥哥也因为保护他死掉了。爸爸妈妈在哥哥死后也相继离开他。那时他还只是个小孩。还好一位医生发现他的天分，仅仅7岁却能准确地画出人体内所有器官，并背出它们的名字! 从小立志要当一名儿科外科医生，在那位医生的栽培下一一克服自闭障碍考进医学院。尽管学习成绩优越，却因为'残疾'被评为不合格。栽培他的医生，已经成为一家大医院的院长。第一集就是说他在院长的推荐下，获得一次在全医院的主科医生和医院的理事会面前面试的机会。站在所有人面前，面对所有人的质疑和反对，他越来越胆怯。一个有自闭症的人，怎么当医生，更何况是小儿外科医生?

我边看边哭得稀里哗啦，后来告诉x,他说"哎呀，故事后来一定是他成功证明他可以成为好医生，得到同事,病人，家长的信任，认可，甚至和女主人公恋爱。" 我也这样觉得。但是经过一番挣扎后，我还是硬着头皮看下去。

对有关自闭症孩子的戏我总是很抗拒，觉得戏总是美化自闭儿童和他们的遭遇。没有亲身经历的人是不能明白的,而戏总是要给人不切实际的希望。以前也看过一部李连杰主演的电影"海洋天堂"，也是哭得稀里哗啦，尽管演员演得很写实，故事也把爸爸的挣扎，痛苦描绘得很写实，看完了也没能得到安慰，有的只是一种郁闷。

制作这些戏的媒体工作者，报道这些戏的新闻业界们，推荐这些戏的人们，你们这些虚伪的人，满口道义仁义!如果世界的人们真的像你们说的一样理解体谅包容自闭患者，为什么我的弟弟买不了保险? 为什么成绩还可以却没法考进政府大学?明明是大学毕业了为什么却怎么也找不到肯请他的雇主?

这些戏都是骗人的，骗人的! 我弟也短暂地在一家审计公司呆过，一个hiring manager给他机会聘请了他，可是大部分人都不能谅解不能支持，最后弟也因"没能过试用期"为由被辞退。

可是其实在看戏时，我哭得最惨的原因是因为我恨我自己! 我真的是很糟糕的姐姐! 别人的哥哥都以生命保护弟弟，我这个姐姐为弟做过什么? 他刚出世时我当他是洋娃娃玩。他小时候，因为觉得他没法控制情绪时很好笑，总是故意激怒他，仗着自己比他大欺负他。他总是被爸爸打，我嫌吵没法读书，总是故意早早就睡为的就是在爸爸回家前睡着，不必听到他们吵闹。他读书我从来没教过他。他考大学考不进我也没帮他好好找学校选科。他找工作碰壁，我也没能帮上任何忙。小时候可以说我不懂事，现在都长大了，却还是什么都帮不上。

如果弟从很小时就遇到像戏里一样的伯乐好好被栽培，有强大的人帮助他，也许他也能有番作为?我没有认识比弟更知识渊博的人了，也没认识人像他兴趣那么广泛!他对巴士路线的了解是很彻底，对于球鞋也有一套见解，美国的各个棒球队他也知道，而且他英文超好的，认识许多我都没看过的单词，而且他竟然真的读完妈妈买的百科全书!

弟，我知道你一定会看到我写的这篇... 我只想说，在不久的将来，你也会像戏里的男主人公一样努力成为一名好医师. 一定也会遇到许多困难和挑战。我其实只是希望你会有自信，有梦想，能开心。

breastfeeding... again

i saw an article recently about how breastfeeding could harm baby.  Couldn't find the exact article again,  but here is a similar one http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/10911177/Breastfeeding-wars-is-breast-really-best.html

"Breast is good"
I heard this from my friends too , from the pre natal class, and hospital too,  when I was first pregnant with wl. But Breastfeeding is nv easy; engorgement is nightmare , pumping is depressing, nipple sores is the worst pain besides labour contraction, leaking milk is also one of the worst embarassing thing I have to face, smelling like milk ALL the time, wearing ugly pumping/latching friendly clothes and being mistaken to be pregnant is also quite unbearable. on top of this , u get questioned by stranger aunties all the time, "what ? U din feed formula even at night? Are u sure ur baby had enough milk? " Its also all those famous actress fault who made child bearing seems so effortless, they breastfeed, get back to shape super fast,  and still look glamorous all the time. How did they manage to do it?

Despite all these I still manage to breastfeed wl exclusively for a year plus. to be honest,  I am also very proud to say that my baby is exclusively breastfed whenever I was asked. Its like saying "yes,  I am a strong mum who overcome all obstacles and pre-judgement and pressure, I gave my baby MY milk!"
(Actually its because wl refused bottle! I was kinda forced to breastfeed, haha)  

I guess there is always two sides to a coin, equal stress will be felt for those mums who can't breastfeed their babies successfully. Its hard to not feel guilty if u can't provide enough milk for ur baby. Small little things like indulging in unhealthy snacks (in turn might result unhealthy milk for my baby) can make me feel guilty already! And ppl nowadays are so self-righteous that they always wanna talk down to strangers as if they know it all. Look at how xiaxue is being scrutinize on every single way she raise dash on her social media. They say "mummy know the best" , so can strangers please shut up?

However, I think it is unfair to blame breastfeeding for causing mum's to get post-Natal depression. And breastfeeding for causing jaundice in baby. It is common for new born to have jaundice and there is also differentiation between breastfeeding jaundice and breast milk jaundice.

Both my girls had jaundice when they are newborn,  although wl is more serious than yl. My milk supply came in earlier for yl too (maybe coz she's second child, my breast is 'seasoned', Or maybe we had very long skin to skin time right after birth coz my room is not ready) but even so, lactation consultant was ard for both to make sure there was proper latch and everything is fine. And the nurse did supplement wl with formula for the initial period when milk is not enuf. .. it didn't help to bring down her jaundice level.

Anyways , I just want to say mothers all need great support to whichever decisions they make.  And most importantly, mothers must feel happy for child to be happy too! So , do not give mothers unnecessary stress and opinions. Also, mothers should always seek opinion from professional when in doubt.  ;)

不要恋爱，要结婚

现在追看的韩剧叫：＂不要恋爱要结婚。＂

故事是说一个过份热心向往结婚的女人和一个过份冷淡拒绝结婚的男人之间的爱情故事。
男人为了避免家人再安排相亲随便找了一个女人假恋爱，却被女人的一股傻劲和真心吸引，竟然爱上她。女人本来只是答应演戏，却付出太多真心。

"爱情在闭上嘴的那一刻就结束了" 女主角的妈妈这样说。

有時我们怕 打扰对方，忍住一句关心的问候。有时因为太生气而不想说。在不问不说的那一刻后，也许以后再也没办法说了。没有了沟通，爱情也就没有了。相爱相处的两个人若没法诚实的告诉对方自己的想法，要如何爱，如何相处呢?

我和琬玲的第一通电话

我: 喂
琬玲: 是妈妈吗?
我: 是，是妈妈啊
琬玲: 妈妈! 妈妈!! 妈妈!!!
我: 琬玲乖吗?
琬玲: 妈妈!!! 妈妈!!!! 妈妈!!!!!
我: 琬玲吃饱了吗?
琬玲: 我吃了
我: 冲凉了吗?
琬玲: 我冲凉了。
我: 妈妈在吃饭，吃饱了就去找你。
琬玲: 哦。 yeah!!! 好，拜拜!
我: 拜拜!

How l hope l can spend my weekends.

Wake up at 7am, and think it's just 7am and sleep some more, cuddle a bit with hubby..
Finally open my eyes at 10am, browse my facebook and play Candycrush till I finish all my lives on my comfy bed..
Finally jump off bed feeling happy and excited, then skipped to the hippest cafe in town for a cool brunch.
Enjoy pretty food and latte-art Coffee while I try to take yummy looking food to post on my instagram , then enjoy best friends' company at the cafe, sharing the latest gossips.
It is a great day with nice weather, go swimming with hubby before dinner.
It's dinner time with family. Weekend is best with home cooked food (cooked by my mummy)
TV time with family in the evening.
9pm, go late nightmovie With my lovely hubby.
Ends the day with supper at the market, what is weekend without satay / fried hokken mee or Punggol nasi lemaK ?

How l actually spend my weekend

6am: Woke up by MM, probably the third time since last night? I can't really remember . Dream feed= l feed mm in my dreams. (or while sleepwalking)
7am: Woke up again because gg cry coz she dun see me lying beside her when she peep in her sleep. Couldn't figure out how she manage to do that...
7.30am: finally comforted gg and get ready for breakfast.
8am: Breakfast is noodle soup share with gg. Din really know how 'it taste like Or remember if I did eat anything, because my focus is to feed gg her noodles and feed mm cereal at The same time. "Brain rules' is right, our brain is not wired to multitask.
9am: Running after naked gg to go into toilet for shower.
10.30am: Finally both princesses are cleaned and dressed. I try to shower quickly and get ready to go out for lunch. No time to dress up, I think I look Ok la, most importantly top is nursing accessible, whole day outside dunno when and where have to feed MM. (It's lunch time already?!?)
1130am: We are early for friends lunch gathering (actually is my friends are late for our brunch gathering) , so brought gg to play at the mall's children play area. In between, checked out the new malls' nursing room which is elephant big, and try to nurse fussy mm.....
1 pm: when gg is finally warmed up to play at the new playground, Our friends arrived for lunch ( or breakfast for my friends)
2.30pm: managed to survive lunch with mm crying and sleeping intermittently ,  friends have not seen each other for a long time so we decide to have Some coffee and dessert to catchup some more.
3pm: finally settled down at a new hipster cafe with young people, MM started to be cranky and husband need to carry her walk ard the mall.
3.30pm It's gg turn to be cranky because she missed her usual nap time which is 2 and half hours ago.
4pm hastily ended coffee session and apologized to friends for my cranky babies. We parted and promised to meet again real soon. (which probably will not happen anytime soon unless we all forget abt today's drama )
5pm: still in car because both kids are sleeping like angels in their car seat.
6.30pm: At parents home for dinner. It's a blessing to have other family members to entertain gg and carry mm.
8pm: Shower both kids and get ready to go home.
9pm: Home sweet home. Can't wait to go to my comfy bed. But gg refused to sleep. Luckily mm feel asleep In her car seat whole travelling home.
10pm: After acceding to gg countless request such as "l want milk" "No, I want Milk in hello kitty bottle" "I want星星＂ ( the graduate puff) , "l want Dora" (Watch her favorite cartoon Dora)  etc.
11pm: (or so) I am already asleep before gg sleep. Thank goodness the husband is awake to entertain her)
12pm: (or so) Mm crying for milk... it's another day already....

disclaimer: Above is probably an exagerated illustration of some of the worst seenario I had during weekend, which happens rather frequently. 

Parenting comes with challenges and sacrifices. Though endless and repeating drama makes me feel exhausted most of the time. nothing can replace the joy of seeing the girls smile , learning new things and growing up.

文化遗产

最近有个展览，主题是"消失的华校，国家永远的资产"。有位我认识的华文老师积极向周围的朋友宣扬，顺便炫耀她的母校有多少杰出人才。我听了嗤之以鼻。

几个月前我还问那位老师，你怎么不和你的孙子说方言呢，好让你的孙子也会说方言?她那时的回答是，"方言没有任何价值，学来做什么?" 我怎么也没想到华文老师会对方言有这样的评价，可我也不会说方言所以也不好意说什么只能默默换话题。几个月后说方言没有任何价值的人竟然跟我说消失的华校是国家的资产???

1) 消失的东西已经不存在了，还能称上是资产?
2) 还没消失的文化都被称为没有价值，已经消失的东西你说是资产?!
3) 如今被当成资产的华校不就是和方言一样，以让国家经济繁荣为由喝令被铲除的吗?

也许被你因以为傲的所谓的资产的是那些在各个领域获得成就的校友，而不是华人五千年的文化遗产，不是那些热血沸腾的知识分子所奋斗的新世界，不是那些默默耕耘的小人物为更美好生活团结一起的勇气与良心 。

Being a cow

The thing I hate most about being a mum who choose to breastfeed my baby is I have to pump milk!

One hr every 3-4hr a day= 6hr a day spend to get the milk out, almost equal to the time I slp a day! And the wOrse thing is,  I spend so much time a day only able to keep up with the demand.... I feel like a cow!

I need more milk to be milked out to go holiday! !!!! (And still need to milk when I am on holiday! )

The day has come

This is it, the day we have been waiting for, the maid is here, or will be here.

At this juncture, I dun even know how to pronounce her name... and this person, pray that she'll be a good person, will be staying at our house rather permanently. Everything will be different from now on.

Am I prepared for it?

Language barrier
I have downloaded the app for translation. Its pretty amazing, u can just speak to it and it'll translate it to the language you selected.

Work schedule
All planned out in my notebook, temporary timetable drawn too.

Working environment
Camera not installed yet, but should be ok ... do it b4 xl go overseas next mth.
Her room not ready too, guess have to ask her pack up a bit, maybe buy bed tog with us after tt....

Ok I guess I am not too ready....

OMG!

Update: The previous maid had to be sent home as she did not pass her medical examination (sort of). We finally chose again... Waiting again...
As of 23 August

How did "Let it go" from frozen saved me

I watched "Frozen" in cinema theatre last year december, I was pregnant then.  I enjoyed the movie and really love the songs.  But the song "Let it go " only 'hit' me recently (maybe when mm is abt 2 or 3mth old?) after it went viral after its win at Oscars.

Almost every kids know how to sing the song now, even wl can sing the whole song with actions and everything. But actually some parts of the lyrics is not very typical kind of things u would like ur kids to learn , like "I don't care,  what they're going to say" or "turn away and slam the door" or "no right no wrong no rules for me" ... but that's the point; elsa's tried to be this perfect girl all her life,  she now wants to be free from all the restrictions and be who she wants to be,  and "let it go"! 

I was pretty stressed up that time, trying to be the perfect mum. I want to be able to provide my kids with the best, and also do my best in my job. However, I realised I can't. It is depressing and devastating. After listening to that song over and over, "let it go, let it go" starts to open up my mind.

It doesn't help to just "let it go" though. Ariendelle is still in deep deep snow when Elsa "let it go". The only difference is Elsa became a different person, a happier person. Not bad for a start. At least her closed one, Anna, knew her problem. It is only when our loved ones know what's wrong with us, then they will be able to help us and reach out to us. Shielding them from our problems will not protect them, it will only build up a wall between us.

So "let it go" and tell your loved ones ur vulnerability, and let true love thaw away your frozen heart. (If u happen to freeze ur heart while pretending to be strong) ;)

Finally , "lip stick" that I like

Ok, it's not really lipstick, it's actually call a balm stain

Its Revlon 'just bitten kissable balm stain'

I usually dun put lip stick becoz most of the time they feel sticky and heavy, uncomfortable. I prefer lipbalm coz they are more moisturising and more comfortable,  though some are greasy and definitely not lasting. So for most of the time, I leave my lips bare, or at most I'll just apply some lip gloss... until I found this

It's a lip balm with color, so unlike lipstick which usually feels heavy, it feels like lip balm light and not that sticky, there is also a slight mint taste.. yet, unlike most lip balm, the color stays and shows very well and is not greasy! Super love!

不可以

不可以恨一个人
我一直告诉自己
不值得，不应该，也不需要

可是

怎么会有那么令人讨厌的人?

自私自利
固执偏见
不通情达理
厚脸皮
武断
市侩
伪善
幼稚
卑鄙
爱耍心机
专横霸道
无法沟通

。。。 。。。

我不知道我怎么了

我不知道我怎么了。

别人问"现在两个孩子了，还好吗?" 我无法回答。XL一点责备，甚至脸上有一点点不满的表情我都无法忍受。 甚至妈妈问我午餐吃什么，我都觉得是种压力。

我怎么了?

我无法成为妈妈期望的为了孩子有更好的母乳而吃得健康的母亲;无法做到XL期待能维持家里整洁的妻子;无法像我的一些朋友生产后能无后顾之忧的工作赚很多钱;无法像一些朋友可以全心全意培育她们的小孩;无法像一些朋友好好管理自己让身体恢复苗条健康。

我什么都做不好。

可我已经尽最大努力让自己在不精神崩溃下，可以积极开朗地面对孩子和工作了。

所以我得吃我喜欢的食物，包括雪糕蛋糕汽水咖啡。所以妈妈，我没有办法每天吃自己煮的食物，加上每餐后还得自己洗碗洗盘洗锅洗厨房。 所以我避免做让我心情不好的家务。 所以我看连续剧，让人开心的节目，上网购物。所以恶性循环一样地减了点体重又因为吃太多增加回点体重。

我知道我应该满足:不是每个人都有家公家婆可以帮忙看着孩子，不是每个妈妈都有一份可以由着自己时间上班的工作，不是每个老公都愿意做点家务。可是我无法面对贪心又不足的自己，无法忍受大半夜躺在床上无法入眠落泪的自己。

There can be miracles, when you believe. When you believe , you will when you believe.

下定决心要当个好妈妈就能成为一个好妈妈吗?

Someone needs you

几个星期前我生病了，那时xL又出国公干。吃了药躺在床上，黏在我身边睡着的是我的大女儿，在床边睡着的是刚满一个月的小女儿。我心里突然这样想"我怎么当了两个孩子的妈?"

"妈妈，妈妈"琬玲这样叫着的时候，有时是世界上最好听的声音，有时候是最烦人的声音。有人喊你"妈妈"代表有人需要你，有人赖着你，有人爱着你。那是一种无法卸下的责任，无论什么时候，不管你有没有生病，不管你累不累，不管你心情好不好，都必须面对的责任。

现在突然成了两个孩子的妈，有点不真实，有点不敢相信。因为我现在只想当个撒娇的女儿赖在妈妈身边。

妈妈，我爱你!
母亲节快乐!

Last few days of my confinement

My confinement is going to end soon....

Finally I am looking forward to going out of my home. I told rq that I am a 宅女， so enjoyed my staying at home time for the past weeks. But these few days I feel like going out! I want to go do facial, I want to go watch movie, I want to go shopping, I want to go some nice restaurant and have a nice meal!

But I have to feed my baby like every 3 hours or so. .. and a toddler who always want my attention. .. how to do so many things on my own? I can't remember how I manage a baby on my own 3 years ago. ...

Wanling is a big girl now

Wanling is a big girl now, especially after carrying meimei, the difference in size is obvious. She is growing up fast!

Now she is at the stage that she sings non stop. .. she is noisy all the time!  a while ago, I was hoping she could sing songs. Now, I still think she's so cute when she's singing. Maybe a while later, I'll hope that she will keep quiet for a while. ..

So far, she has been a good sister. She smiles when she's carrying meimei. She runs to meimei whenever she cries. (Though I think she thought its fun to  哄her,  than she's really concerned about her) she will look for meimei the moment she reach home. And of course, there are some dark moments like she will sometimes cry and want me to carry her when I am feeding meimei. She will purposely squeeze or pinch meimei when we tell her not to. I think she loves meimei, just that she can't help feel jealous sometimes. Love her so much! 

做月

不知不觉益铃已经一个多星期大了,我也坐月一星期了。

这里整理一下这星期的感想:

坐月最受不了的事:
1) 总是一个人吃饭。
不管我怎么请,陪月阿姨就是不原意和我一起吃。我们语言上沟通也有障碍,她不太会说中文,我不太会说潮州话,即便一起吃也是尴尬,所以我最后也放弃,就一直孤零零一个人吃饭

2) 琬玲在我喂益铃的时候撒娇
不是要抱抱,就是要我帮他拿东西。平时也还好,琬玲挺疼妹妹 的。只是有时就是要撒娇。看他在我面前哭得可怜兮兮的样子 ,我却无能为力,最讨厌这种时候。

3) 一直流汗
不能随心所欲的冲凉洗头, 又一直流汗。恨

到现在为止最开心的事
1) 妈妈过来陪我。

2) 琬玲听到妹妹哭就飞奔到妹妹身边想安慰她。

3) 益铃睁开眼看着我

Back from hospital

I am officially in confinement!

Delivery was exceptionally smooth,  that I didn't experience any pain! Admitted hospital to induce labour because of reduced fetal movement.  Things happened so fast. Dr Tan broke the water bag almost as soon as I lie down on the bed after checking the cervix dilation. Then contraction starts. Before contractions became painful, epidural was already administered. Just one hr after nurse checked that I am 4-5cm dilated, I am already 10cm dilated ready to push. When Dr Tan arrived, with just 3 push, baby is out! During skin to skin session after delivery, baby already latch on and started feeding!

Small episodes that happened along the way:
I felt itchiness right from the beginning.  Side effect of epidural.
I shivered for one hr or so, side effect of epidural. 
Vomited just before I reach my ward. Side effect of epidural. 
Felt pain and discomforts whole day after delivery.  Dr say is uterus contracting, but .... after birth pain is worse than labor pain is too much to take... okok I know its not a fair comparison, coz I dun feel pain at all durinv labor, but I dun remember I was in such pain after wl delivery.  Luckily, after third dosage of painkillers at midnight starts to work and I finally get to sleep in peace.
Baby vomitted three times with brownish stuff... after testing, it is my blood that she might have swallowed during delivery,  so its not a concern.

Otherwise all is fine, we are all at home,  baby is feeding well, my milk supply is coming... I am worried I'll have blocked ducts... I remember it to be extremely painful... I will massage well before every feeding!

Being 2nd

It's 3 more weeks to baby's EDD!

My Mother-in-law announced that they are going holiday with their friends first week of April.

Ok... baby will be only 1 month plus old by then.... My first reaction is to turn to XL, and ask him 'You will be in Singapore right?'

I am not fully confident with taking care of 2 kids at the same time in the first place, let alone without any help.... ok... l think I am freaking out.... l imagined the worst scenario of 2 kids crying non-stop throughout the night and pooping at the same time.... How can I survive this for a week alone?

This is the kind of things that will happen to the second child. If you are the first child, everyone in the family will treat you like king/queen in the family. No one will go holiday when you have only just arrived. You will be the priority.  Everyone will want to carry you, shower gifts and love to you all the time.

I am guilty sometimes of neglecting the second one myself. At first, I thought I should not neglect WL because she is just in front of me. The baby inside me can wait, When she is out I will give her all my love. But this is already unfair. WL had all my attention ever since I knew her existence.

I do believe love is infinite. I will not love WL less because I have a second child. I won't love My second child less because she is second. But time is limited, there is only 24 hrs a day. How to distribute time and attention equally such that neither will feel neglected is a challenge.

It's 43 days

My level of panic rise to a new level when I installed a new pregnancy app on my hp, which Countdown days to my EDD. The countdown says: "43 Days to go now"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still don't see the baby cot in the baby room, and baby's cupboard is still rather empty...

My hospital bag is not packed, and I have not dig out my breastpump and all the bottles and sterilizers etc....

I forgot everything about breathing exercise to relax during contractions...

I am totally not ready!!!

I think I got a bit stressed and even experienced 'night sweats' in a cold rainy night and wake up at 3am almost every night....

This is bad... I should do some yoga ....