10wks

今天又看到晏晏了，她还很兴奋地对我们打招呼，手舞足蹈的。
前几天的spotting 和肚子莫名其妙地痛痛的，让我寝食难安。

今天下午了针，安胎药的针，好痛。抽了血，回家就睡。睡醒时，两个小孩都吃好，冲好凉了。此刻觉得好幸福。

3.52am

3.52am, 我醒来了，做了恶梦。
其实不是恶梦，只是画面重演。梦见了几个月前在产检看不到小斗斗心跳的画面。
现在晏晏8-9weeks。小斗斗是大概这个时候决定不再长大的。
睡不着了。
5.34am

I love mama a little bit only

One day, when I kissed and hugged yiling, and told her how much I love her, she replied, "I love mama a little bit only."

My heart broke instantly.

She then proudly proclaimed, "I love papa a lot a lot!"

Ok... She is such a daddy girl now. She will ask for papa more often than requesting for my attention. I am glad too, and proud of xl. (heartbroken still)

I have been quite out of action recently.. Like sleeping in instead of sending them to school and falling asleep at 8pm .. So xl has kindly took over the night duties, to play with the girls, get them ready for bed etc..( Thank you xl!) so, the girls are more attached to him now, and their bond is even stronger! Although subconsciously I am blaming myself for being such a lousy mum... But... Yes, this is a gd thing.. And I really appreciate how xl is helping me out!

Ok.. Maybe I am not making much sense... But as much as I am heartbroken that I lost a little bit of love from yl, I still feel super loved with a caring husband who does things for me quietly.

我给宝宝取名晏

晏，天清无云
人家说，babies that comes after a miscarriage are rainbow baby, 我却希望她可以如晏，一扫阴霾，天清无云，让人心旷神怡。晏也有安然，安宁的意思。我此时也很需要颗平静的心，放平常心。
后来查字典还发现，晏有迟的意思。宝宝也是个迟来的宝贝。

我怀琬玲时，在想为她取什么名时，就非常喜欢晏这字。那时心想，我一定要让我的孩子名晏。此时，这个想法很强烈，好像宝宝本就该名晏。

晏晏，希望你日日平安，我们下星期就能够再见面。