质问和提问

我承认我错了。

我承认我生气时，沟通方面有欠缺冷静(其实是很糟糕，一点也没有办法好好沟通)。当然无法得到很好的谅解和效果，只会让自己更生气，让对方也生气。我不是圣人啊。如果这样也要被归类为千古罪人，公平吗？只因为我生气，我就一定是错的?因为我生气，我就是坏人?因为我生气，我就是肇事者，对方就会变被害人?不管我受到多少的委屈，不论我内心多么挫折。

是的，世界就是那么不公平。失去分寸的人总是那个吃亏的人。情绪平稳，对人对事不亢不卑的总是那个把握大局的人。

我一直在反省。

是的，对错根本不重要。对彼此的心才重要。

往往生气的时候，我们总是都用质问的语气。被质问的心情总是不好的。当然被质问后，我们得到的答案都不是我们想听到的。可以参考这个文章https://positive2u.com/20171207/

比如说:
为什么做不到？
怎么会发生这种事？
你打算如何解决？
你确定是这样吗？

质问通常都是带着批判和怀疑的态度。当被质问后，都会感觉被责骂了，被不信任了，有这种负面的感觉就当然会不爽，不爽也就会出言不逊。我昨晚就被质问: "what did you do?" 深怕是自己理解能力不好，我google translate 了， 那是"你做了什么?" 我也好不逊色地反问，语气当然也不在话下。这样反复地互相质问，结果只是互相伤害，加深彼此的不信任。

好啦，那该怎么提问呢?

我觉得那是超级高情商的人才能时时做到的。

提问的范例问句：

是什么原因导致这样的结果呢？
如果要避免这样的状况，我们要注意什么？
对案子目前的状况，你有什么感受？
如果依你的想法做这件事，你的建议会是什么？

我现在知道为什么我的女儿们都常常发脾气了。连我长这么大的人都没有办法做到的，他们年纪小小的我怎么能要求她们做到呢?

好啦，既然对错不重要，那要凭什么衡量对方的心呢? 是只坚持自己没做错的人比较少那份心吗?没有静下心来聆听对方说什么，只专注抓对方的错处然后大肆渲染来证明自己的人比较少那份心吗?是只一味替自己辩护的人比较少那份心吗？是一直用言语或行动伤害对方比较少那份心吗?

是啊， 如果有心就会多点聆听，少些辩解。提问就自然而然会问出口的。只要有真正聆听就应该不会有没法沟通这件事。

心死，就是从嘴巴闭上， 无法沟通的时候开始的事。

Fights

Am i an unreasonable person? Am I a tyrant who always want to be right? I think sooner or later i will be convinced by Xl that i am. 

Its not easy for me to be a yes wife, agree with the husband everything and anything he says. Its really difficult to not say out when i am upset. Its really hard for me. So does this make me an unreasonable person? A tyrant who force everyone to agree with me? 

15 Jan 2018

I didnt bring pump to work today.

Its exactly one month before Yankai's 1 year old birthday.

I am not sure how exactly i am going to weane off, because naughty boy still wakes up every 2 or 3 hours at night to feed like a newborn... but maybe i am just gonna selfishly stop pump in the day. Coz its just too demoralizing to have nothing after punping for an hour ... 😥

My breastfeeding career...

After an hour plus of squeezing and pumping, this is all i got.... i tried to comfort myself, maybe its because i did not drink enough water, maybe its because i am hungry...but i know, my breastfeeding career is coming to an end. After falling sick, both me and baby consecutively for a few times, after the sydney trip, after my period came... its imminent that my supply has dropped and is not coming back... i did not try hard enough too.. its just too tiring. I know its coming and planning for it to happen, but when the reality hit hard i still couldnt take it. I sat down in the nursing room alone and cried. I have failed, failed to perservere to a full year, i have been selfish and only thought about myself. I cried, because this is the final end. No more holding baby in my arms, close to me at my breast and my heart. This is the end, the final end of my breastfeeding career.