Just want to pen down some thoughts about my journey so far, trying my very best to be a mum with kids doing sports competitively.
I went with WL to her bowling competition for the first time last year December to the "23rd Storm U22 International Junior All-stars" in KL.
It was a mind-blowing and life-changing experience for me. We went there with a holiday mood, thinking we could use this as an opportunity to relax and celebrate post-psle. Little did we know the 3-day competition would be so physically and mentally draining. We thought, she only need to play 3 MQs per day, but 1MQ is 3 games, so it's 9 games per day, and this will take the entire day and sometimes we have to skip meal, or just have finger food beside the lane. By the 2nd day, she was already so physically drained, and her hands can't do anything as the thumb and finger tips are covered with painful blisters. Having almost zero knowledge about the sport, we had to search up google and youtube to find ways to help her with her blisters late at night after her games, the most heart-wrenching part is to see her pressed on with her injuries and continue to bowl on the last day. We were both pleasantly surprised that she didn't cry or give up, and even managed to play one of her best results in the last day (given that she's usually such a baby when it comes to pain and difficulties)
This was my first experience to see how it is like to be in competitive sports. And seeing how other parents support their kids, made me realised how ignorant and handicapped I was. As an extreme introvert, I didn't know any other parents whose kids are in bowling, I also didn't made any effort to know the coach well enough to be able to ask for help when we needed. Now I know, parents support group is so important, as most parents are so friendly and helpful to share their experience and knowledge about the sport. Talking to some of the parents made me realise how little I know about the sport, how much we could do to help our kids become better in the sports they like. Knowing the coach personally, and even better know more than one coach in a big event will help so much, when emergency like injury or accident happens. So I secretly made a promise to myself, I would force myself to be out of my comfort circle to know more parents and also build a good relationship with the coaches.
Just a few days after coming back from the KL bowling event, YL started her competitive swimming class. We signed up without much expectations, we just wanted to start her training to see how far she can go, and how fast she can swim. WL trained for half a year without seeing much results, we assumed training takes time. With my new-gained experience in the bowling competition, I thought I was mentally prepared and was ready to be a supportive mum to YL in her new endeavour.
Just after her first trial lesson, Coach asked her to sign up for the coming "Swim Series" in Jan and Feb. To prepare for that, he recommended her to train at least 3 times a week. Thinking it'll be a short term arrangement for the event, we agreed. After the first "Swim Series I 2024" in Jan, Coach recommended her to go into their Elite Squad. It all happened so quickly, and honestly till now I still feel overwhelmed. I had to spend hours in front of my computer researching on the different events which will happen across the whole year, the different requirement for each event, and the purpose of the many different equipments that I had never even heard of before. (now my youtube feed includes different videos of "tips of how to swim xx stroke", my newsfeed includes swimming results from US too 😅)
So now, WL trains 3 times a week, 2 times with school, 1 time with her Coach. YL will be training 5 times a wk, 4 times with the elite squad, 1 time with her coach. So much time is put into training, sometimes i will wonder whether it is worth it. The amount of time and money invested in the sports, coach fees, equipment costs, attire cost, registrations for the events so on and so forth... are they really worth it?
In this fast paced world, we are so used to expect results for every effort we put in. I realised, this is not possible in the competitive sports world.
We were encouraged by WL's coach, that they see potential in WL for her bowling. After half a year of training, and getting all the equipments, she still has no results to show. She wasn't in school team, she didn't get an extra-ordinary results in the Dec competition, didn't managed to qualify for all-star, only gotten the experience of her first competition, and blisters which took weeks to recover.
We were encouraged by Yl's coach recommendation to be in the team's elite squad, despite her lack of experience and skills for most strokes. During the swim series events, her results are almost at the bottom of her age-group, she didn't swim her personal best like others in the squad. After the two swim series event, she gained experience how to minimise the chance of her goggles dropping upon dive, she learnt how to do warm up before her event, and I learnt how to take video and record her swim. I have also learnt to "digest" my own disappointment, pick myself up to give them the encouragements they need, and the acknowledgement they deserve. All these couldn't be justified with any tangible results in numbers.
For one of the most participated event in the Swim Series, "Girls aged 8-12 100m Freestyle", there were 21 Heats, each heats there were 10 swimmers, which means there's at least 200 over under-12 girls swimming competitively in whole of Singapore. But in each race, there could be only 3 standing on the podium. It is a cruel reality. So many girls and boys swim almost everyday to train for a 1-2 min event, and only maybe 1% would be able to get an award. It is similar in bowling, even though it seems like a less common sports. Many of the bowlers who gets better results, bowl everyday too. It is also a reality that for most of them, their parents have to invest time and money to give the child support, emotionally, mentally and physically (in terms of transport and equipments). Most parents and children, have to go through years of training and money thrown into multiple competition every year, without going up to any podium.
During one of the swim events, i was nagged by another parent if I had gotten a new goggles for Yl. Her current goggles, her only one suitable for competition, was gifted by her previous coach as an encouragement for her to be able to meet SSPA timings. After 3 months of usage, her goggles are already scratched and always loose, which affected her performance in her last event. She said to me, "Equipment like goggles and swimsuit, is your responsibility." I have to agree. sighs, I have failed her to not have equipped her with the best. I am learning and trying my best. As my child grow and develop her skills and capabilities in the sport she is in, we will have to get the equipment necessary for her to succeed and that can match with her capabilities.
"So why are you all doing this, to get DSA ah?" -this is the most common questions I get from friends when i complained about the time and money I have to spend for the two sports girls at home. Most of the time, I couldn't give an answer, because I am not too sure myself and it is really more complicated than a simple one-line answer.
The most important reason would be (I think), they love the sport they do.
"Trying our best in whatever we do. " That is the only belief that kept me going while I have this constant struggle to justify my "investments" in these sports/ hobby they do. 不留遗憾。
Maybe, they will be one of the many 无名之辈 who will disappear in the arena even before their name can be remembered in this cruel competitive sports world. Maybe, they will hit their personal best in the future, but it is always never the best. It is ok (i tell myself). They will all learn the discipline and mental attitude to be able to succeed in life, and also at the same time equip themselves with a skill and have a story to tell for life.
