Attachment Parenting

I didn't read up about "Attachment Parenting" until it was mentioned in "2 broke girls" a super entertaining US sitcom about 2 broke girls. I mean, I heard about "Attachment Parenting", but didn't bother to find out what it is about. There are so many Parenting method, and all so confusing, and many times contradicting to each other... so i go by the natural method call :"instinct". (ok, i did try sleep training before, it was a disaster. so yeah, nv believe any parenting advice online... But since even "2 broke girls" talk about "attachment parenting", it must be something right? so i googled.


What I have gathered is that it is a method of parenting, by creating bond with kids, by breastfeeding, baby wearing, being sensitive to their cries and needs. This bond with kids will make them feel secure and grow up to be more confident and "better". This is contrast with the traditional method of instilling fear, so they will listen and follow what the parents say.

As a mother of two, all I can say is no two child is the same, so no method of upbringing will be suitable for all. But as the Chinese sayings goes, 物极必反， meaning if things are done to extreme there will definitely be a bad outcome. Yes, I agree we should establish bond with kids, and make sure all basic needs are addressed. Yes, I also agree that we should not always just follow what the kids want, we must establish in the relationship that we, the parent, is the boss. I believe happy parents makes happy children. So, our needs should be addressed first, before we addressed theirs. (u know, just like in emergency on plane, we should put on our mask first then put on for our children).

Before reading up, I always thought that attachment parenting is kids being so attached to parent so they will listen to you. haha... this is what happen to WL... she is very attached to me... it is very easy to discipline her. because she almost everytime needs my approval and attention. When I look angry, she will immediately stop what she is doing and almost nv do it again. (eg, like touching the remote control etc). When it is something more serious, and she became too emotional, I will put her in naughty corner, and ignore her. She wants my attention, so she will stop her crying and attempt to listen to me, so she will get her hugs... But for yl, I dunno, she doesnt seem as attached to me, maybe I did not spend as much time with her. She doesn;t really care if I am angry. I warned her about touching the remote controls and opening drawers, she will look at me and smile back and continue whatever she is doing.... >.<  Kid who is attached, do the right thing to seek approval. Kid not attached, do the wrong thing to seek attention.

Is it different personality, or is it really the bond between the two girls are different? I am not too sure... but definitely, it is much easier to have kids attached to you, so it is easier to discipline, easier to soothe them and comfort them when they are not feeling good or cranky. But, it is exhausting to be constantly wanted.

Food Journey in Hong Kong 2014. 吃在香港

前阵子到香港，不是我夸口，可是向岭的香港朋友和同事都对我们去吃的东西相当“赞赏”。许多都被他们称为“很local"。所以我就在这记录下吧！

DAY 1 (rather night 1)
1）港澳义顺牛奶公司 (铜锣湾)
http://www.openrice.com/restaurant/sr2.htm?shopid=5682
就在我们的酒店附近。因为实在太饿了，LPW的reservation时间还没到，我们就在附近找吃的，竟然看到这间店，依稀记得好像有看过是有人推荐的，就进去了。没想到就在这吃到我吃过最好吃的双皮奶，至今仍念念不忘。（现在想着也都好想吃哦！)

我们也点了通粉。也是这次我在香港一周末里吃的最好吃的通粉。以前对通心粉的印象是“生病时吃的食物”，一点都没好感。香港人好像对通粉有着莫名的喜爱，哪里都有卖，任何时间都有人在吃。

义顺的通粉和双皮奶，颠覆了我对这两个食物的印象；这两种食物我从“从来都不爱，也不会点来吃”到“好怀念，好想再吃”。

2）Liberty Private Works (Central)
http://www.openrice.com/restaurant/sr2.htm?shopid=32698&region=0&s=3
这是间超难的餐厅。所以在去香港的3个礼拜前，我就在网上订了位。那时星期六和日都没位了，所以只能订订周五。虽然有点赶，但没办法（我是大约旁晚6点到酒店）。这餐厅，不只难订，也很贵。It's fixed menu, and is at least HKD900/pax.

我只能说“物有所值”

Day 2
1) 陆羽茶室 (Central)
http://www.openrice.com/restaurant/sr2.htm?shopid=1966&tc=sr1
到香港一吃点心。上次我们已经去过热闹的点心，所以这次要体验不一样的香港点心。

这里吃的我觉得不算好吃，但是仿佛是在60-70年代有钱人吃点心的感觉。

2）兰芳园 (Central)
http://www.openrice.com/restaurant/sr2.htm?shopid=1966&tc=sr1
3)泰昌饼家
http://www.openrice.com/restaurant/sr2.htm?shopid=1966&tc=sr1

吃完点心，走路到SOHO mid-level escalator 逛。顺便在路上打包兰芳园的丝袜奶茶和泰昌饼家的蛋挞。虽然我还是喜欢新加坡的teh，但兰芳园的丝袜奶茶不太甜，滑滑的很顺口，和甜甜热热的泰昌饼家的蛋挞堪称绝配！

4）Jenny Bakery (上环)
http://www.openrice.com/restaurant/sr2.htm?shopid=1966&tc=sr1
其实奶茶和蛋挞是准备去Jenny Bakery排队时享用的，可是向岭说要从中环走路到jenny bakery上环的店，路途太远，还没到就已经喝完吃完了。还好我去的时候没太多人不用排队。
我们很客气地只买了5个小盒的饼干。没想到饼干太受欢迎，我回来新加坡没几天就送完，吃完。还好向岭还在香港，又买了几盒回来，而且是大盒的。
Addictive butter cookies.

5）再兴烧腊饭店 (湾仔)
http://www.openrice.com/restaurant/sr2.htm?shopid=1966&tc=sr1

烧腊是另一个到香港必吃的。因为答应朋友去湾仔那买玩具（湾仔玩具街-太原街=小孩的天堂），所以买完曲奇（cookies), 就到湾仔去，恰巧午餐时间到，我翻翻我的“功课”，选了再兴。因为在玩具街严重超支，到再兴时已没剩多少盘缠，省着点了一盘三宝饭一盘烧鸭饭。超好吃！饭也特别香。正吃得很开心时，和我们并桌的一对父女点了乳猪饭，烧肉饭，看得我们直流口水。。。

所以。。。我回新之前的早上，我又回到了再兴吃乳猪饭。卡擦卡擦 。。。

6）咖里鱼蛋 (铜锣湾)

没有记下店名。。。好像是在洛克街，铜锣湾。在我们酒店附近的街边小吃。买完，吃完后，我们暂时回酒店小休片刻。我忙着挤奶时，向岭跑去买的。意外地好吃。我们后来也又去买来吃。不只鱼蛋，还有鱼饼，鱿鱼，香肠等好料。辣椒是四川式的麻辣，可随意加。

7）爱文生 (深水埔)

http://m.openrice.com/en/restaurant/14257/愛文生?tc=Sr1

大排档是去香港另个必尝的味道。在香港大排档也越来越少，有可能因为这样也越来越贵?

根据网上推荐，爱文生是少有仍有足够"锅气", 随便点都好吃的大排档。

名不虚传。

To be continued.....

New office

We finally moved out of Shaw Towers!

If Lena didn't mention today, I would not have realised we were in Shaw Tower for 5 years!

When we just moved to Shaw, I was quite disgusted by that old building; dirty toilets, cranky old lifts, and distance from the mrt station. I secretly prayed that we will move back to Parkview Sq or anywhere more decent soon then. However, as days (or years) past, 'planning with a view' sinked in, and I got used to the convenience (and inconveniences) in that old building. Now that we are at Chinatown point, a relatively newly-refurbished building,  I am sort of disoriented.

It is definitely a much better office location compared to Shaw Tower, mrt exit is just at the building (no more stuck in the rain and cannot go office), there are so many amenities ard, supermarket, shopping options, cheap and good food, But, the problem is there are too many choices; at least 3 routes to go office from home, billions of food choice within sheltered walking distance. Is this like a first world problem or I am old, hence cant adapt to changes?

on a side note, I think I really old liao la... because of the new office layout, I Suddenly realised I am surrounded by ppl I dunno. I know our team expanded over the years, but I have only been hanging out with the same group of ppl over the years. I din bother to know most of the new colleagues. u know, ppl come and go , it is just so tiring to keep building new relationship and to realise the person disappear suddenly.
So well, I still kinda like the new office.... I guess...

Attending wedding and breastfeeding

It is my brother-in -law wedding soon. 

I used to be cool abt attending wedding with baby when wl was baby,  when I only had one baby.  My coolest feat was when she was abt 3mth old,  I attended 2 of my best friends wedding on the same day alone with her in a sling. (Both of them are also mother now, and their baby both also born on the same mth as mm, such a coincidence rite? ) Breastfeeding-convenient dress,  and nursing cover with a baby who will slp everytime after latch.  I thought I was the coolest mum in town. Fast forward abt 3 yrs later,  I suddenly became an useless mum who can't bring her kids to wedding.  (And the irony is , now I have the whole husband, in-law,  and even helper going to the same wedding. More ppl by right shud be more help right? )

The stress came when another bro gf say she is going to get professional to do make up for her that day.  And then mil came to saye that we have to make up look good that day coz we are "半个主人" must show that we 重视这个婚礼"。ok,  I got it,  I am expected to look good on that day.  So I suggested,  can the girls follow them to the hotel after the early morning tea ceremony , so I can go and make myself look gd. Response is , ok,  wl can go with us,  but baby go with u ,  in case she wanna feed.  Oh right , I am supposed to look good AND be a breastfeeding mum.

I am not saying breastfeeding mum cannot look gd,  but there are really a few major restriction when u have a wriggling 8mth old baby who is curious about every sound and movement PLUS refuse to eat solid and still drink milk every 3hrs , AND a almost 3yr old toddler who don't like to eat wedding food and will go into sudden tantrums esp when she Is going to miss her afternoon nap. If I will have to fulfil my mother duties, I will have to wear nursing wear and bra which are not meant to be figure flatering and pretty,  and no accesories and heels to make it safe for running ard while carrying babies who might pull ur earrings. And whats the pt of putting make up when most likely u will look like a crazy women trying to make the toddler eat and stopping the baby from crawling out of the baby chair AT THE SAME TIME? And the long hours from early tea ceremony to rom to wedding lunch .... oh, i really dread bringing them to wedding now. :(

鱼与熊掌不可兼得。so, do u wan me to look good or be a breastfeeding mum?

The trip of pump and throw

Went over weekend to Hong Kong to find XL,  as he was there for business trip for 2 weeks. It is an extremely short trip,  reach hk fri evening, leave hk mon noon.  So I  actually only have 2 full days, one evening n a morning there.  Din dare to go any longer coz I dun have enough milk stocked for mm. She dun drink a lot,  but still doesn't eat solid yet,  and sometimes will wake up quite frequently at night to feed.  Counted probably needed 30 bags of milk to be safe,  but even on the day when I left for hk I think I only have 20+ stocked. I have learnt to 'let it go' and ask my in law to buy powder in case there isn't enough stock left, and hope that she will slp like a baby these few days.

Brought my super huge pink luggage to hk,  not because I plan to shop a lot,  coz the small luggage couldn't fit my pump! The luggage was half empty when I leave, out of the occupied half,  50% is the pump,  30% is my fridge to go. But,  I am only planning to bring the milk from the last day back (the day I am coming back). So much for just 4bags (600ml) of milk!

Couldn't make sure that I could ensure hygiene while pumping on the go, nursing room in hk doesn't seem common after researching a while (probably need to express in toilet on plane for eg), and its actually just troublesome to carry milk through custom. So I have decided to just pump and throw for most of the trip.  Added bonus is I can drink wine or beer for some of the meals!

So below is my experience as a nursing mum travelling to hongkong without my baby:

The tricky thing about expressing milk during trip is when,  where and how? 

When?
If u are like me,  the nursing schedule is 3-4hrly,  then its a bit complicated. U may think,  hey flight to hong kong is just 4hr, no need to pump,  then u are wrong! U need to be at gate abt 20min b4 departure time,  and clearing custom plus finding the nursing rm n walking will take another 10-20min,  after touch down at hk,  u will take abt an hr to clear custom n collect baggage,  so total time is actually abt almost 6hr! So it's actually best to be able to latch just before u head to the gates,  or like me,  just pump before I go to the gate,  then express a bit (I did it in the plane toilet) maybe mid way thru the flight,  then pump again when I reach hotel.  If u have a pump with portable battery or u're using manual pump, u might wanna try pump at ur seat,  maybe request for a corner seat or wat, but I am just not used to pumping milk in public, and its a full flight, I dunno who will be sitting beside me!  so. .. hafta do it in toilet. ....

Some tips:
Do online check in , so can choose seat near toilet.  Can pop in the toilet when its not crowded, so wun really hold everyone up, hopefully.

Where
Nursing room at Changi airport
I found one very close to my gate (d4+ I think). Its in the transit lounge near some jet star counter.  In fact all nursing rooms are clearly marked on the directory. The one I went was a one room with one changing top and nursing area is seperated by a door which can be locked. (Sorry no picture coz I tot I was running out of time.) So if someone is using it,  u have to find another one which is quite far away!

Nursing room at hk airport is together with the changing top,  hence no privacy at all and cannot lock . Unless u have a portable pump with nursing cover,  impossible to pump there.

Best place to pump , in my opinion is in the hotel room.  Got privacy, comfortable n clean. And there's minI fridge in room to store milk,  if u want to.  So I am glad I am with my husband who dun mind to come back hotel every 4 hrs or so to pump milk. 

How
To bring milk back, ask hotel to freeze the ice pack at least a day before flight.  I think my hotel freeze it in some deep freezer,  the ice pack is solid frozen when I collect it. I used my fridge to go,  but still added extra ice pack I bought from qoo10 for extra security. I used storage bag with double zip,  no leakage at all . Milk still ice cold when I reach home.  Only brought back last day (the day I fly home)'s milk coz I found not wanna freeze the milk and risk them being thawed during the trip home.  Thawed frozen milk cannot be refrozen. I had packed the milk in the checked in luggage, no trouble going thru custom and temperature at the luggage compartment on plane is supposedly lower. 

Ok,  that's abt all for the pump and throw trip. .. brought back 4bags of milk and had a great trip at hk!

Good Doctor

我最近在看的韩剧 "Good doctor"

从来没有看戏第一集就哭得那么惨。男主人公是个有学者综合症(savant syndrome)的自闭患者。因为和别人不同，他从小就被周围的朋友欺负，被笑，被打。妈妈说要带他去医院检查，却被一直酗酒的爸爸打。爸爸说他够丢人了还敢去医院，不如打死更好。就在一次被爸爸毒打时，他唯一的朋友，他养的小白兔也被爸爸乱甩甩死了。唯一一直相信他，保护他的哥哥也因为保护他死掉了。爸爸妈妈在哥哥死后也相继离开他。那时他还只是个小孩。还好一位医生发现他的天分，仅仅7岁却能准确地画出人体内所有器官，并背出它们的名字! 从小立志要当一名儿科外科医生，在那位医生的栽培下一一克服自闭障碍考进医学院。尽管学习成绩优越，却因为'残疾'被评为不合格。栽培他的医生，已经成为一家大医院的院长。第一集就是说他在院长的推荐下，获得一次在全医院的主科医生和医院的理事会面前面试的机会。站在所有人面前，面对所有人的质疑和反对，他越来越胆怯。一个有自闭症的人，怎么当医生，更何况是小儿外科医生?

我边看边哭得稀里哗啦，后来告诉x,他说"哎呀，故事后来一定是他成功证明他可以成为好医生，得到同事,病人，家长的信任，认可，甚至和女主人公恋爱。" 我也这样觉得。但是经过一番挣扎后，我还是硬着头皮看下去。

对有关自闭症孩子的戏我总是很抗拒，觉得戏总是美化自闭儿童和他们的遭遇。没有亲身经历的人是不能明白的,而戏总是要给人不切实际的希望。以前也看过一部李连杰主演的电影"海洋天堂"，也是哭得稀里哗啦，尽管演员演得很写实，故事也把爸爸的挣扎，痛苦描绘得很写实，看完了也没能得到安慰，有的只是一种郁闷。

制作这些戏的媒体工作者，报道这些戏的新闻业界们，推荐这些戏的人们，你们这些虚伪的人，满口道义仁义!如果世界的人们真的像你们说的一样理解体谅包容自闭患者，为什么我的弟弟买不了保险? 为什么成绩还可以却没法考进政府大学?明明是大学毕业了为什么却怎么也找不到肯请他的雇主?

这些戏都是骗人的，骗人的! 我弟也短暂地在一家审计公司呆过，一个hiring manager给他机会聘请了他，可是大部分人都不能谅解不能支持，最后弟也因"没能过试用期"为由被辞退。

可是其实在看戏时，我哭得最惨的原因是因为我恨我自己! 我真的是很糟糕的姐姐! 别人的哥哥都以生命保护弟弟，我这个姐姐为弟做过什么? 他刚出世时我当他是洋娃娃玩。他小时候，因为觉得他没法控制情绪时很好笑，总是故意激怒他，仗着自己比他大欺负他。他总是被爸爸打，我嫌吵没法读书，总是故意早早就睡为的就是在爸爸回家前睡着，不必听到他们吵闹。他读书我从来没教过他。他考大学考不进我也没帮他好好找学校选科。他找工作碰壁，我也没能帮上任何忙。小时候可以说我不懂事，现在都长大了，却还是什么都帮不上。

如果弟从很小时就遇到像戏里一样的伯乐好好被栽培，有强大的人帮助他，也许他也能有番作为?我没有认识比弟更知识渊博的人了，也没认识人像他兴趣那么广泛!他对巴士路线的了解是很彻底，对于球鞋也有一套见解，美国的各个棒球队他也知道，而且他英文超好的，认识许多我都没看过的单词，而且他竟然真的读完妈妈买的百科全书!

弟，我知道你一定会看到我写的这篇... 我只想说，在不久的将来，你也会像戏里的男主人公一样努力成为一名好医师. 一定也会遇到许多困难和挑战。我其实只是希望你会有自信，有梦想，能开心。

breastfeeding... again

i saw an article recently about how breastfeeding could harm baby.  Couldn't find the exact article again,  but here is a similar one http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/10911177/Breastfeeding-wars-is-breast-really-best.html

"Breast is good"
I heard this from my friends too , from the pre natal class, and hospital too,  when I was first pregnant with wl. But Breastfeeding is nv easy; engorgement is nightmare , pumping is depressing, nipple sores is the worst pain besides labour contraction, leaking milk is also one of the worst embarassing thing I have to face, smelling like milk ALL the time, wearing ugly pumping/latching friendly clothes and being mistaken to be pregnant is also quite unbearable. on top of this , u get questioned by stranger aunties all the time, "what ? U din feed formula even at night? Are u sure ur baby had enough milk? " Its also all those famous actress fault who made child bearing seems so effortless, they breastfeed, get back to shape super fast,  and still look glamorous all the time. How did they manage to do it?

Despite all these I still manage to breastfeed wl exclusively for a year plus. to be honest,  I am also very proud to say that my baby is exclusively breastfed whenever I was asked. Its like saying "yes,  I am a strong mum who overcome all obstacles and pre-judgement and pressure, I gave my baby MY milk!"
(Actually its because wl refused bottle! I was kinda forced to breastfeed, haha)  

I guess there is always two sides to a coin, equal stress will be felt for those mums who can't breastfeed their babies successfully. Its hard to not feel guilty if u can't provide enough milk for ur baby. Small little things like indulging in unhealthy snacks (in turn might result unhealthy milk for my baby) can make me feel guilty already! And ppl nowadays are so self-righteous that they always wanna talk down to strangers as if they know it all. Look at how xiaxue is being scrutinize on every single way she raise dash on her social media. They say "mummy know the best" , so can strangers please shut up?

However, I think it is unfair to blame breastfeeding for causing mum's to get post-Natal depression. And breastfeeding for causing jaundice in baby. It is common for new born to have jaundice and there is also differentiation between breastfeeding jaundice and breast milk jaundice.

Both my girls had jaundice when they are newborn,  although wl is more serious than yl. My milk supply came in earlier for yl too (maybe coz she's second child, my breast is 'seasoned', Or maybe we had very long skin to skin time right after birth coz my room is not ready) but even so, lactation consultant was ard for both to make sure there was proper latch and everything is fine. And the nurse did supplement wl with formula for the initial period when milk is not enuf. .. it didn't help to bring down her jaundice level.

Anyways , I just want to say mothers all need great support to whichever decisions they make.  And most importantly, mothers must feel happy for child to be happy too! So , do not give mothers unnecessary stress and opinions. Also, mothers should always seek opinion from professional when in doubt.  ;)