在我身体里，已离开的你

在我身体里，却已离开我生命的宝贝
是我没有好好照顾你
没有好好保护你
时时刻刻后悔
时时刻刻惭愧
我只能用泪水来向你赎罪

每次想吐就心痛一次。已经离开我的你，时时刻刻提醒我你还在我身体里。离开了的你，现在在哪里呢？

小斗斗，你永远不会离开，妈妈会永远把你放在我心里。

给小斗斗的信

小斗斗，妈妈决定给你这个小名因为你很特别。

你悄悄的来到我的世界时，安静地陪我坐了飞机，去了曼谷，陪妈妈又吃又逛的。很多人说怀孕坐飞机，特别是前3个月，对宝宝很不好。你没有反抗，没有怨言。只是安静地让我开开心心地度过我的假期。（虽然我买的那些衣服应该没得穿了）

妈妈明天就要带你去美国了！小小的你可以承受长途跋涉的折磨吗？妈妈一点也没信心。可是有个小小的声音一直在告诉我，你可以的。你很强壮地在成长着，你是个勇敢，坚强的小孩，你会像个斗士一样地健康成长。谢谢你给我力量！

过几个小时就是我们的第一次碰面。妈妈已经迫不及待了！

初恋

好像每个人都有刻骨铭心的初恋吧? 不然为何有电影会不断地以学生时代的初恋为题材，而那些电影也都会卖座，还不断被人们讨论?

你的初恋是怎样的呢?

看了"我的少女时代"后，我的结论是: 大部分人的初恋应该都是无疾而终的。不是因为误会而分开，就是因为误解而失去联络。电影都是这样演的。那些电影会卖座，一定是得到许多人的共鸣。不同的是，电影的结局可以是多年后又重逢，男女主角可以藕断丝连。现实生活要再见谈何容易?

再比较 "那些年" 和 "少女时代", 我也总结以下几点:

1) 男生都爱校花

2) 女生在学生时代都像丑小鸭

3) 女生暗恋的男生都暗恋校花

4) 男生学生时代都自认为自己是最帅的 (其实不只在学生时代啦)

5) 女生学生时代时都会为自己喜欢的男生努力变漂亮 (其实不只在学生时代啦)

6) 女生最后都会喜欢坏坏的男生

7) 男生都会因为要耍帅而被视为幼稚最后变误会然后分开

8) 女生都会因为矜持所以变成误会然后分开

9) 那年大家都觉得自己的初恋是最惊天动地的事

我有初恋，也曾经年少轻狂过。看了许多有关初恋的电影，笑过，哭过，感动过。可是看了那么多初恋的电影后，发现大家都一样，还是我老了，突然觉得我的初恋也变得不特别了，不怎么样了。。

所以在独处的时候，自己唱着"匆匆那年"

匆匆那年 我们究竟说了几遍 再见之后再拖延

可惜谁有没有爱过 不是一场七情上面的雄辩
匆匆那年 我们一时匆忙撂下 难以承受的诺言
只有等别人兑现

不怪那吻痕 还没积累成茧
拥抱着冬眠 也没能羽化再成仙
不怪这一段情 没空反复再排练
是岁月宽容 恩赐反悔的时间

如果再见不能红着眼 是否还能红著脸
就像那年匆促 刻下永远一起 那样美丽的谣言
如果过去还值得眷恋 别太快冰释前嫌
谁甘心就这样 彼此无挂也无牵
我们要互相亏欠 要不然凭何怀缅

匆匆那年 我们见过太少世面 只爱看同一张脸
那么莫名其妙 那么讨人欢喜 闹起来又太讨厌
相爱那年活该匆匆 因为我们不懂 顽固的诺言
只是分手的前言

不怪那天太冷 泪滴水成冰
春风也一样 没吹进凝固的照片
不怪每一个人 没能完整爱一遍
是岁月善意 落下残缺的悬念

如果再见不能红着眼 是否还能红著脸
就像那年匆促 刻下永远一起 那样美丽的谣言
如果过去还值得眷恋 别太快冰释前嫌
谁甘心就这样 彼此无挂也无牵

如果再见不能红着眼 是否还能红著脸
就像那年匆促 刻下永远一起 那样美丽的谣言
如果过去还值得眷恋 别太快冰释前嫌
谁甘心就这样 彼此无挂也无牵
我们要互相亏欠 我们要藕断丝连

#GE2015

I can't sleep despite taken drowsy  medicine for my cough and flu... Because I am angry ...

1) I couldn't vote this coming election. a trip was planned way in advance before they decided to have polling day on a Friday ! Why Friday ? If they have it on Saturday as usual, I would be able to vote !

2) I felt betrayed.

Fengshan is carved out from East Coast GRC to be a SMC this time. My house is at fengshan smc for this election, Mr Raymond Lim was my MP. MR Raymond Lim used to be our transport minister, who basically did nothing worth mentioning , except to increase the number of platform to 5 from 3 at jurong east mrt station... And I just found out he did not even speak at all in Parliament for the past 4 years http://themiddleground.sg/2015/08/12/tmg-exclusive-speaking-truth-parliament/

Now, Mr Lim , 59 years old, is retiring as MP in this election. No matter how the media paint the story, I see it as he 输不起。 59 is too young to retire isn't it?.

Ok, fine.. He is probably disheartened.. Just because he was the transport minister, he's blamed.. Look at Mr Lui Tuck Yew, despite being on the ground, working so hard to serve the public, he is still blamed, scolded , and even mocked by the public...  I respect Mr Lim's decision to "retire" .. But I would expect PAP to field someone 厉害, they wouldn't want to lose another seat to WP right？ when I saw the list, the PAP candidate is Cheryl Chan.. Who is she?

Ok, maybe I am not involved in the pap grassroot thingy, so I dunno her.. Then I look at WP's candidate, is Dennis Tan... Huh.. Who is he ? Googled him, nothing came out. He was mentioned in the list of new WP candidates, but not interviewed, no quotes from him.. Nothing. He is not one of the featured WP candidates.

So I imagined, PAP strategy is "carve out Fengshan, so WP will have to field a strong, or known candidate in a SMC, so East Coast GRC team will not be so strong, we will have a higher chance to win". WP strategy to counter "we knew you would rather us have one more seat only, so we will do the opposite and make a bet! Field the strongest team we can manage to form in East Coast GRC, and a equally nobody in Fengshan. Voters will decide if they like WP more or PAP more!" 渺小的我。。(not that I get to vote... But still 不爽that we are not cherished by either party)

Maybe I dunno the candidates ... It might be too early to say they are not capable or what.. Ok, We shall see...

3) there are many weird ppl running for election.. What is Roy Nygren and Han Hui Hui doing as candidates ? There are also many ppl blindly supporting oppositions.. Supporting the pension funds, min wage, and all the what-have-not-socialist policies which might be detrimental to Sg economy... I do agree that policies have to be made with Singaporean in mind, not money.. But do we have to be so extreme ??

Policies that please the crowd may not be really beneficial policies for Singaporeans ... I certainly hope opposition parties do not promise these policies just to win votes...

4) many post on fb, something like "we must be appreciative of what pap did. Sg is in a better state compared to many other countries. Opposition party dun expect to form govt, why vote them in? APEHTC cannot even manage the town council fund properly, how to manage a govt ?This sort of blind support for pap..

What pap did right in the past does not mean that they will always be right, right ? Opposition party dun expect to form govt , doesn't mean that they cannot right ? Even Raymond Lim can be transport minister, why say eg. Chen Show Mao cannot ? He is probably equally experienced and educated, isn't he  ?  Is it wrong to have a realistic goal ?

It is never a level playing ground for the oppositions. Will Straits Times ever report how many of PAP MP  own or is related to companies that profited from govt projects ? Were any of our ministry or pap town council scrutinized like how APEHTC is scrutinized ? Is it fair to make a judgement base on what govt-controlled media reports?

XL ask me.. Why am I so upset, I won't be voting anyway... My ans is, precisely because I won't get to vote, so I am upset... I am upset that "my voice will not be heard" this time round... And I am not willing to pay a few hundred dollars and forfeit a few hundred dollars paid to change the dates for the coming trip just for "my voice to be heard". -- Irony of a true Singaporean

Why I think Straits times is wrong - How should you invest if you have 20k

My friend shared this link to me this Morning. http://www.bigfatpurse.com/2015/07/how-to-invest-if-you-have-20k-or-more-why-we-think-the-straits-times-is-wrong

You can find the link to the original straits times article in the above article.

Summary (If you are too lazy to read)
Strait Times consulted a few experts, they recommended invest 100% in unit trust if you have $20,000.
Bigfatpurse says unit trust is too expensive so should invest in cheaper ETF.

My view
"Would you pay someone so you can clean your room yourself?"

Buying ETF is exactly that.

Can ETF help you to decide which country is worth to invest more in?
Can ETF help you decide whether it is a better time to invest in high yield bond or government bond?
Can ETF do currency hedge so you invest in a country with potential growth but not risk in currency depreciation?

Just to list some example to show why we cannot compare ETF with unit trust.

You may say some ETF performed better than some unit trust. So this goes back to the first question, who is doing the work?

Because we all know investment returns are not guaranteed, past performance does not represent future performance ... would you have known which country, which stock will do best tommorow? Do you have market information to do analysis and make the analysis?  If your answer is yes to both questions, you are savvy you can DIY your own investment portfolio , you should probably invest in that few stocks you are convinced with (instead of just buy ETF which most probably include some stocks that you will not like) . If your answer is NO , then it's probably better to leave with the experts. While experts may make mistakes too ( nobody can have the crystal ball to know exactly what will " win" so there is always risk in investment), but the probability of going very wrong is much lesser than a blind bet.

So, Who are the experts?

This is where I disagree with StraitsTimes.
Consult your Financial Adviser if you have idle $20,000 in bank.
(Financial Adviser is not someone from a bank or an insurance company, find someone professional, who can really do a comprehensive analysis and give a comprehensive recommendation for you)

Because a real Financial adviser will discuss your ST, MT, LT financial goals, will look through your existing portfolio , will help you manage your risk , will map a financial blue print to reach your financial goals. Then will advise what you should do to your idle money best suited to your financial situations.

Maybe it's better to save in bank because you have to pay for your wedding next year?
Maybe it's better to pay off your personal loan so you do not have to pay 20 +% interest?
Maybe it's better to put into SRS to save tax?
Maybe its better to go into endowment ?

Or at least, an adviser who can recommend a portfolio or strategy better than just buying ETF.

Summary of my view (If you are too lazy to read the above)

If you want to and can DIY, research and choose the few stocks you are convinced with
If you don't, leave it to the experts, Find a good financial advisor. Do not invest blindly.

The battle of "How to lose weight"

Losing weight is a battle

It is so easy to gain weight, but so hard to lose weight.

I have gained at least 10kg after giving birth to my beautiful girls, and maybe 5 more after wedding. So it is a whopping 15 kg from my wedding photo time.

I did not seriously try to lose weight in the past... as I am rather happy with myself and thought that I can always try to lose more next time... but the "next time" never came, and I think my weight is now in an unhealthy zone, and I do not look as slim as before... BUT, I still did not take any action until the unfortunate situation that happened a few months back, that I finally decide I should do something!

SO the battle with weight starts.

Why is losing weight so difficult?
I googled it : http://www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blog.asp?post=8_reasons_why_youre_not_losing_weight

My 3 reasons Why losing weight is a battle

1) We have to battle with our determination to start moving. 
Newton's First Law is one of the most powerful law in the universe. An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. 

We do know that exercise is a key important reason to lose weight. We will not only lose some calories when we exercise, we will also have a healthier body when we exercise. But to start a regular, sustainable and enjoyable exercise regime is SO difficult. The key word is "enjoyable". Because if you do not enjoy the activity, it is unlikely you can do it for long and reap the health benefits, and also it might result in mental stress which will eventually result in more food intake....

2) We have to battle with our mind to fight off hunger
Yes, mathematically eating less, will result in negative calorie and should result in weight loss. But, time and time again, when I thought I ate very little and eat healthier food I should weigh lesser, the weighing scale will tell me another story. 

You may think that hunger is a natural reaction. When we are hungry, our body is telling us we need food, we should eat. But, our body is a magically irritating system that will just follow a clock. If you have a habit of eating supper, every night you will feel hungry and will need to eat. If you have a habit of eating tea-break, once the clock strike 3pm your stomach will start growling. Are you really hungry? 

Losing weight is an uphill battle to fight against the old bad habits and establishing good ones. 

It is the same with cravings. Do I really need the ice cream treat after my run, because I ran? Do I really need the coke because weather is so hot? Or do I really need the llao llao's Sanum because I need to have the smooth froyo with the crunchy caramelized biscuits, fresh sweet fruits and rafflellao sauce ???  I love food, I really enjoy having good food, but sadly most good food comes with fattening calories.....

3) We have to battle with our body system
Our body, as I mentioned, is a magically irritating system. Also applying the Newton's first law, it likes to stay "balanced" 

If you eat very little to lose weight, our body will adjust our metabolism rate to a lower rate, so we can "survive" and burn less calories. If we work very hard and exercise, our body will make us feel more hungry to compensate for the loss of energy. IF we exercise the same way and have the same diet for a period of time, our body will get used to it and find the balance to maintain the same weight. 

So, key to lose weight is actually try to outsmart and cheat our body.
eg, eat high fibrous food or maybe more protein so we feel full for longer period? Interval training, and rotating different kinds of exercise? Controlling our mind so we do not crave for certain kind of fattening food and just eat healthy food?

I have no idea how to do that... 

Goodbye.... I am going Japan

On Mon, I went to do facial. I thought I deserve a relaxing and pampering facial after the week long ordeal. When the therapist off the lights to start my spa faicial, I almost regret it. Darkness is not suitable for my mood, I felt like crying. Of course, I felt refresh and look radiant after the facial. I know it is time to say goodbye, to my baby whom I have nv met. I have not even heard or saw ur hearttbeat, I have to say goodbye to you....

I am glad this japan trip is already planned in advance. I can take this opportunity to let go and let life go back to normal.., maybe exercise or start a new life after this holiday.

Bye bye
My baby.