How did "Let it go" from frozen saved me

I watched "Frozen" in cinema theatre last year december, I was pregnant then.  I enjoyed the movie and really love the songs.  But the song "Let it go " only 'hit' me recently (maybe when mm is abt 2 or 3mth old?) after it went viral after its win at Oscars.

Almost every kids know how to sing the song now, even wl can sing the whole song with actions and everything. But actually some parts of the lyrics is not very typical kind of things u would like ur kids to learn , like "I don't care,  what they're going to say" or "turn away and slam the door" or "no right no wrong no rules for me" ... but that's the point; elsa's tried to be this perfect girl all her life,  she now wants to be free from all the restrictions and be who she wants to be,  and "let it go"! 

I was pretty stressed up that time, trying to be the perfect mum. I want to be able to provide my kids with the best, and also do my best in my job. However, I realised I can't. It is depressing and devastating. After listening to that song over and over, "let it go, let it go" starts to open up my mind.

It doesn't help to just "let it go" though. Ariendelle is still in deep deep snow when Elsa "let it go". The only difference is Elsa became a different person, a happier person. Not bad for a start. At least her closed one, Anna, knew her problem. It is only when our loved ones know what's wrong with us, then they will be able to help us and reach out to us. Shielding them from our problems will not protect them, it will only build up a wall between us.

So "let it go" and tell your loved ones ur vulnerability, and let true love thaw away your frozen heart. (If u happen to freeze ur heart while pretending to be strong) ;)

Finally , "lip stick" that I like

Ok, it's not really lipstick, it's actually call a balm stain

Its Revlon 'just bitten kissable balm stain'

I usually dun put lip stick becoz most of the time they feel sticky and heavy, uncomfortable. I prefer lipbalm coz they are more moisturising and more comfortable,  though some are greasy and definitely not lasting. So for most of the time, I leave my lips bare, or at most I'll just apply some lip gloss... until I found this

It's a lip balm with color, so unlike lipstick which usually feels heavy, it feels like lip balm light and not that sticky, there is also a slight mint taste.. yet, unlike most lip balm, the color stays and shows very well and is not greasy! Super love!

不可以

不可以恨一个人
我一直告诉自己
不值得，不应该，也不需要

可是

怎么会有那么令人讨厌的人?

自私自利
固执偏见
不通情达理
厚脸皮
武断
市侩
伪善
幼稚
卑鄙
爱耍心机
专横霸道
无法沟通

。。。 。。。

我不知道我怎么了

我不知道我怎么了。

别人问"现在两个孩子了，还好吗?" 我无法回答。XL一点责备，甚至脸上有一点点不满的表情我都无法忍受。 甚至妈妈问我午餐吃什么，我都觉得是种压力。

我怎么了?

我无法成为妈妈期望的为了孩子有更好的母乳而吃得健康的母亲;无法做到XL期待能维持家里整洁的妻子;无法像我的一些朋友生产后能无后顾之忧的工作赚很多钱;无法像一些朋友可以全心全意培育她们的小孩;无法像一些朋友好好管理自己让身体恢复苗条健康。

我什么都做不好。

可我已经尽最大努力让自己在不精神崩溃下，可以积极开朗地面对孩子和工作了。

所以我得吃我喜欢的食物，包括雪糕蛋糕汽水咖啡。所以妈妈，我没有办法每天吃自己煮的食物，加上每餐后还得自己洗碗洗盘洗锅洗厨房。 所以我避免做让我心情不好的家务。 所以我看连续剧，让人开心的节目，上网购物。所以恶性循环一样地减了点体重又因为吃太多增加回点体重。

我知道我应该满足:不是每个人都有家公家婆可以帮忙看着孩子，不是每个妈妈都有一份可以由着自己时间上班的工作，不是每个老公都愿意做点家务。可是我无法面对贪心又不足的自己，无法忍受大半夜躺在床上无法入眠落泪的自己。

There can be miracles, when you believe. When you believe , you will when you believe.

下定决心要当个好妈妈就能成为一个好妈妈吗?

Someone needs you

几个星期前我生病了，那时xL又出国公干。吃了药躺在床上，黏在我身边睡着的是我的大女儿，在床边睡着的是刚满一个月的小女儿。我心里突然这样想"我怎么当了两个孩子的妈?"

"妈妈，妈妈"琬玲这样叫着的时候，有时是世界上最好听的声音，有时候是最烦人的声音。有人喊你"妈妈"代表有人需要你，有人赖着你，有人爱着你。那是一种无法卸下的责任，无论什么时候，不管你有没有生病，不管你累不累，不管你心情好不好，都必须面对的责任。

现在突然成了两个孩子的妈，有点不真实，有点不敢相信。因为我现在只想当个撒娇的女儿赖在妈妈身边。

妈妈，我爱你!
母亲节快乐!

Last few days of my confinement

My confinement is going to end soon....

Finally I am looking forward to going out of my home. I told rq that I am a 宅女， so enjoyed my staying at home time for the past weeks. But these few days I feel like going out! I want to go do facial, I want to go watch movie, I want to go shopping, I want to go some nice restaurant and have a nice meal!

But I have to feed my baby like every 3 hours or so. .. and a toddler who always want my attention. .. how to do so many things on my own? I can't remember how I manage a baby on my own 3 years ago. ...

Wanling is a big girl now

Wanling is a big girl now, especially after carrying meimei, the difference in size is obvious. She is growing up fast!

Now she is at the stage that she sings non stop. .. she is noisy all the time!  a while ago, I was hoping she could sing songs. Now, I still think she's so cute when she's singing. Maybe a while later, I'll hope that she will keep quiet for a while. ..

So far, she has been a good sister. She smiles when she's carrying meimei. She runs to meimei whenever she cries. (Though I think she thought its fun to  哄her,  than she's really concerned about her) she will look for meimei the moment she reach home. And of course, there are some dark moments like she will sometimes cry and want me to carry her when I am feeding meimei. She will purposely squeeze or pinch meimei when we tell her not to. I think she loves meimei, just that she can't help feel jealous sometimes. Love her so much!