Speechless

I found out I am pregnant (AGAIN) about 2 weeks ago. Xl asked me at the hospital when we were there for the first doctor's visit, why I have not blog abt this pregnancy yet. My ans was, "i am speechless".

For the past 1wks+ after the test kit showed two lines, my feelings were extremely mixed. I was totally confused.. In disbelief...scared...and having some kind of surreal feeling... Is the bb growing well? Does bb has heartbeat?.. I even have thoughts like this pregnancy might be etopic, since I have so many different kinds of miscarriage already , etopic shud be the next...

Xl reassured me, there is no point worrying abt the 'what ifs', we lived 30odd years and still have the probability to die anytime too.. So its the same for this tiny blinking white light that is now in me. He has this weird interpretation of optimism... But it did console me a little..maybe coz it sounds logical??

To report, we saw bb heartbeat for the first time today.. And I felt like crying when i know that bb HAS heartbeat! *imagine all the emotions like in Inside Out hugging each other for a small celebration and small fireworks all over*

I am glad Dr Tan wants to see me 2wks later. 2 wks shall pass soon so I will not need to wait too long to know if baby still has heartbeat ...