Identity crisis

I "fled" to seoul just before Yankai turns 3 month old. I felt so ashamed that I didn't dare to post any photos on social media. I didn't enjoy myself entirely when I was there too. I regreted this decision the moment I booked the tickets.

I mean.. I had great food, had nice company, did some stuff that I didn't do before in seoul when I was there a few years back... i like went to the jjimjibang.. and tried to have fun...but I felt like an empty shell all the time when I was there. I missed my baby terribly, I had to pump milk which I can't bring home for him... this is a trip I wanted to go since last yr, but it just didn't turn out to be how I wished it to be.

I wanted to changed my profile picture one morning after feeding Yankai, as my instagram profile is still using a photo of me 10 years ago during our honeymoon trip. It's time to change, I thought. But as I scrolled through the photos I have in my hp, I couldn't find one I thought can represent me.

Am I this person who is baby wearing everywhere? Always wearing nursing accessible clothes, and with unkempt hair?

Or i am this girl who goes shopping and travelling (and leave her kids at home, #mumguilt)

Or am I just mum to these children?

Or this person with make up and only appear on social media platform?

Or am I this person who struggles to go to work in between feeding and pump schedule, and at the same time tries to look decent and professional?

Ok.. is this the mid life crisis everyone is talking about? Or just identity crisis??